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22nd Of January , 2012

This is pavan counting days as usual.
Its been quite few days from my previous post , I was doing nothing these days , I feel like I'm lonely after mom leaving to home , I don't know what to think about when i reach back home , What am I doing , Im just trying to do somethings which gives me my pay cheque end of the month . This is not what life is all
about , I always think I should be purposeful in my life and it should mean a lot for me as well as others. Things are always very little and simple but I don't know why i couldn't manage them. I just want to break my boundaries on what i could do , I want to grow , I want to improvise , I want to increase my fields of interest. But end of the day I feel like I did nothing. Specially after mom leaving home i was pondering for a while about my existence also. Cracking Jokes , Making Fun is not life is all about , Life is all about dreaming high and working for your dreams and  it is the ultimate happiness when you achieve your dreams. 

After Joining Deloitte , I thought of going to gym , I thought of learning guitar , I thought of learning Swimming and last but not least preparing for entrance examination. At last I am losing my passion towards technology and its updates. None of them are working for me because I was not focused on right track. It's time for me to improvise me and make my days count. I should pass some resolutions for 2012 as i was thinking previously else there will be no proper importance to 2012 in my life graph. One of the things I wished for should come true this year so that i can feel at least some satisfaction . Lets leave these things aside and talk about past few days.

I am out of every sort of enjoyment that I can so that I can think for a while about what am i doing. There is no one at home to talk to me , or disturb me or at least remind me to eat or wake up. That's the worst pain I have now , Though I have friends it doesn't matter for me . All I want is my mom :( . I can do only one thing to stop pondering thoughts , its just sitting infront of computer doing something. So I'm just spending time with my personal friend my computer and sleeping whenever i want to sleep and eating something whenever i'm appetite that is how these days are becoming awful for me but still I have atleast some work to do in office or out of office so I can at least type like this. Today I woke up at 12 o clock and had lunch at udipy's and went to movies back to back along with laxman , yadagiri , rajkumar for underworld and journey. Journey was too good movie where it shows the bond people have and kills them in the story at the end which made me to roll off my tears in theater hall itself. this is the second time I cried watching films , first one was oye.

End of the day , I must be a happy person for what I have but I'm not a happy person because of my expectations were not met with reality and there is no personal satisfaction at all.So expecting some killing enthusiasm to lift me up and making big things happen in my life.

Thanks,

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