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14th December

Hi , I am pavan narrating my days as usually I do.
If i have a choice of expressing myself or how i feel like using this proper channel blog. However Some of my views cannot be publicly made available . So , I relate my content into two categories one is personal and other is non personal and I'll make available public content available for every one but said that you have
to have one good soul mate to understand how or what you feel that itself creates a purpose or meaning to your useless life. So , I will be always happy to write what i feel or how my days are being passed . One time I suddenly think like I've already finished my 22 years of life and feel sad instinctively. I don't know how i should create purpose to my life and think like treat each one i know with great affection and make myself impact on them very positively . Life is not just passing days , Some times i would even go to an extent that how should or in what position I should be in the last few days of my death. Life is always a compromise with money and time you have. End of the life you will have only the memories that you had in your brain and think how beatiful they were . I'm not that feeling less or thought less person . I was like and I'll always try to be like a person who will never think one thing and say one thing and do one thing. I always wanted three to be same.
I'll feel like crying sometimes and other time i'll feel like how happy i'm and I thank God for everything he had provided and I'll always ask him this question why do you give pain for people by taking away the people whom they like most. I feel sad about how little life we had and feelings we have in this short little life.
By now you can think how big philosophy teller i was but that's always not my intention I always wanted my life to be very happy and so I use to think in this way. One thing I guarantee that I'll take care of my life partner , father , mother, brother and would like to full fill all my life partner dreams and know all her interests and take care of them no matter what it takes away from me or my life. Its just very short , you can't stay immortal in this mundane world. All it takes some interest and character that you should develop to behave as such . As every one do have dreams about how they should live and how their children should be even I have some that i should do .
There is always something in your mind that you can express but feelings always change from time to time , So i usually prefer to note it down as like what i'm doing now. This is infact a very good things of the rarest i do. But I don't know how happiness or laughing can be differentiated . I always like to laugh and keep people around me to happy but end of the day thoughts ponder and I feel with heavy heart. I never felt too happy about any thing that I have accomplished but I don't know how I sad i was when i was informed about my lung disease but I can remember the acute pain that i've undergone deep in my thoughts and my body behaved to my reactions with helpless Myself loosing complete my strength including my vision and fall on the floor. I was encouraged with tears of my mom saying that let it take anything for you , I will stand beside you. Now tears rolling down my eyes thinking of the situation i've been but i always will be a happy person at the end.
I always feel like "My Dreams Never Come True" but deep in my heart I know that I was doing nothing for making my dreams come true , It's the strong desire with an attitude of not leaving anything that makes you successful but where is that burning feeling that i used to ask myself.
I'm always happy with loads of thoughts in my mind but one thing i wanted to make sure is I want to keep my people happy and very happy.

Signing off
Pavan

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